January 2010
147 posts
"Sweet Caroline" on repeat
…well its certainly a fun way to ring in the new year for me
My New Years Eve Plan
was going to be to drown 2009 in vodka until it was all over and I was a loud mouthed whore. Alas I have to work tomorrow morning at 6AM. However my father tricked me into drinking a beer with him at work today and it was….awkward.
December 2009
133 posts
“Sunny D tasted like a fat clowns asshole”
– Kyle Cease
Amber I miss you stop blowing your husband like a...
South Koera stole my best friend and now I am bored
“You know what movie was really terrible…Big Momma’s House”
– My coworker today out of nowhere, the benefit of working at a fruit market is knowing everyone is probably high
Currently chilling at my mother's house
Why? You ask, because she and my siblings are in Ohio and her cable television stayed behind in Michigan and I am going to make sweet sweet tender love to it all night long.
The only thing I have accomplished whilst on my...
has been watching 35 episodes of the original Digimon Adventure cartoon
and successfully adding the word whilst into my vocabulary, I’m getting myself a word-a-day calendar for 2010. I’m going to be the classiest guy who sells his body for cash. “you’re going to be the classiest girl down at classy girls”
My Check was deposited into my account today
Yeah $288.39, now I can go get something I really want….Oh my car insurance also came out well It’s not that bad its only $288.02.
I hate my life
Moi: I ate fried dog today.
Timothy: [silence] What? You ate fried dog? Ohhhhh Benji! Benji Benji!!! God I hate Benji! I'm glad you ate him!
Working with my father is interesting. Since I just found out he failed his most recent drug test I can totally see the effect the drugs are having on him. I watched him lose and find his keys five times in 30 mins and they were in the same pocket the whole time.
My only tangible friend is in South Korea visiting...
my life is not awesome
“I’m not a threesome person. I’m very well mannered and i feel i...”
– David
[My mother was yelling at my brother all day to take off a necklace he was wearing because she was pretty sure it was an avon necklace for girls]
Mom: I didn't offend you or David today when I told Matthew he couldn't wear a girls necklace
ME: No I don't care, I don't wear girls necklaces anyway
Mom: You know what I meant
ME: Yeah and I'm pretty sure you hurt Matthew's feelings though.
Me: Well we do have to get up before 10 to open presents
David: Yeah and TJ is a beast to get up in the morning
Me: Thats because you don't do it right
Mom: I don't think you know how I wake people up in my house
David: How?
Mom: GET UP I HAVE A GUN!
My father hugged me today for Christmas when we...
I try my hardest to make my father feel awkward...
Dad: Hey can you buy me a pack of cigarettes?
Me: uhh....are you going to get me my jacket that I asked for
Dad: yeah, I get paid on thursday
Me: I guess, I'll get them on my break
[After my break, handing my dad the cigarettes]
Me: Oh my lanta you need to quit smoking those cigarettes cost me more than I charge for a hand job
Dad: [Blank stare, and what looked like feelings of hated and confusion]
I don't know where this Tiger Woods is
but if its such a dangerous area why are women wondering into it?
1 tag
On the 12 days of christmas I worked my fucking...
working 11 hours every day this week, woo holiday cheer.
“Um, Jonas Brothers chap stick! I’ve always wanted Nick Jonas on my lips.”
– Timothy, today during shopping (via frankiesayssnorlax)
“No shit. You guys got coke here?”
– Brittany Murphy , Clueless hahahaaaaa (via frankiesayssnorlax)
“I want to see pictures of people just posting their bush, nothing pornographic...”
– David
Joe, It's Rex Manning Day.
(via frankiesayssnorlax)
Finished the pile of dishes as tall as me, since I...
If anyone was curious I did in fact find Narnia, It’s not as lovely as the brochure makes it out to be.
“so what’s the use of going outside?
it’s so depressing when people die in...”
– Amanda Palmer [Guitar Hero]
ooliquidnightoo:
Prince: Erotic City (1984)
...
Leaving
for a study group, than going to take my last final. at 6 today I will be done with this semester. Let winter break begin, and I plan on being drunk and naked for most of it. so please point me in the direction of delicious vodka and strangers with loose morals.
This shit has me studying a world map. On a... →
(via stand-by-me)
I could sadly only name 50 countries, wow I feel very cultured
“As you young people say, I hit it…and proceeded to quit it.”
– Adam West (via frankiesayssnorlax)
20% of people identify themselves as chronic...
ohyeahfacts:
(source)
I’m a chronic procrastabater…guess what I do while I’m procrastinating
Having dinner with my mother
She played steven segal’s online shooting game and thought it was amazing (the lady loves her guns). We’re going over horribly awful pictuers which i am going to have to upload later because they do not show me an a pretty light. I’m pretty sure the light they show me in is only visable by hobos and Lindsey Lohan.
Me: So did you finish your christmas shopping?
Female Coworker: ME, We don't celebrate Christmas
Me: You don't celebrate Christmas with your two kids
F. Coworker: No, there's no such thing as Santa so why lie
Me: There's no such things as Bi-sexuals either, but that doesn't stop us from celebrating Spring Break.
sexmusic:
night watch // tegan and sara
...
